(Nimue)
When you suffer from depression or anxiety, the messages you often get from both medical and spiritual sources are much the same. Your feelings are the problem. Learn to change your thoughts and feelings and you will be cured. That’s never helped me, and I know other people who struggle and have not been able to fix themselves either.
What this leads to is treating your ‘negative’ emotions as suspect, and perhaps even trying to fight or suppress them. That’s very hard work. It’s also at odds with much of what we know about mental health, because suppressing things tends to make matters worse, not better in the long run.
I can trace all of my mental health issues to things I’ve experienced. There’s nothing weird about being anxious when you’re dealing with something that scares you. There’s nothing weird about being sad if you’re suffering. These are natural, normal responses to distress. However, we tend to pathologise grief and distress, and there’s a big economic dimension to that..
What would happen if we treated these kinds of mental illnesses as things that had been caused, not as personal failings or brain chemistry malfunctions? What if we assumed a person was most likely having a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation? Rather than medicated them, we’d have to fix the problem. Poverty, abuse, toxic workplaces and insecurity would explain a great deal of this. What would happen if we tackled mental health as a social issue for everyone, not a medical problem for some?
Imagine if workplace health and safety included not being allowed to stress people to the point of making them sick. This would include paying people enough that they could afford to live decent, healthy lives. Imagine the mental health benefits of universal basic income and how many people that would liberate from constant stress.
This winter I’ve been experimenting with taking myself seriously. If I feel sad, I no longer try to fight it. If I’m anxious, or stressed, I give that some space. This might result in a few tears, but I find when I do that, the distress passes and I get on top of my feelings. I had to remind myself repeatedly that with my partner going through some scary and unpleasant stuff, it was reasonable to feel sad and worried. This was nothing disproportionate or inappropriate in how I was responding to that.
I’m having to learn how to be sad about things. It’s taking practice not to see fear or sorrow as a sign that my mental health is falling apart and that I should be fighting to cope better. Making the space for what I’m feeling results in coping far better than trying to cope does. The less I try to tough things out, the more resilient I am. It still feels paradoxical, but it definitely works. Part of this is about not seeing myself as the problem, but shifting my understanding of what I’m dealing with. Being upset by upsetting things is not an illness. I’ve had to deal with a lot of awful stuff along the way, that’s all.
If you start from the idea that how you feel is a fair response to what you’re dealing with, you don’t invalidate yourself. You don’t end up mistrusting your feelings or habitually treating yourself like you are the problem. When the problem is not inside your head, you can’t fix it by changing how you think, and going that route can take you away from the real-world solutions that would genuinely help.
Druid Life 
I think accepting the saddness helps a lot
I have realized that I have never written a 3X3 Triad Poem about Sadness and have taken from what Nimue has written a Triad that can be the First Anchor Triad of such a 3X3 Triad Poem.
The Triad Goes:
Causes Of Sadness:
Thank you, it’s a lovely feeling having inspired you to write something,
Yes I think the only way to get past these feelings is to acknowledge them and work through them, validate them. I try to remember there is such a thing as toxic positivity and that it is ok to acknowledge when we are struggling.
I admire the artists who trade a life of more financial security to follow their passion to create. I was not brave enough to follow that path. How wonderful would it be for the arts if basic needs were provided. It would allow artists to bloom and the rest of us to take the time to view and listen and read. All society would flourish. The arts have lifted me from states of despair and anxiety, they remind us of our humanity at times we feel like a cog in the machine.
Wisdom and gentle strength here. Thank you. x
Got to say how much I enjoy your blog posts. As a witch with mental health issues, seeing someone bringing up these types of topics is brilliant 👏 Thank for shining this light – it’s not really something I’ve felt comfortable discussing in my blog but I’m going to start.
On a side note I was criticised so much for crying as a child that I have found learning to allow the tears has been immensely healing but difficult at the same time, Loki in particular, has been instrumental in helping me through that blockage.
I’m glad you’re finding a way through that, having no space for those emotions is awful. It is good to be able to talk about it all, and share, and I have no doubt as you get into that, you’ll find support and stories from other people, and people who need to hear what you have to say.
I get what you are saying. I really do.
But at the same time nobody forced you into two abusive marriages, so you have to shoulder some of the responsibility. Thanks xxx
That’s a really unfortunate outlook. Domestic abuse is a common issue, and no one chooses to suffer that, or wants it. I’ve spent a lot of time talking to other domestic abuse survivors over the years and I never met a person I thought deserved it, or had caused it. You need to educate yourself properly, but let me share something a police officer once told me: If they punched you on the first date, you’d get out, you’d know it was wrong. It very seldom happens like that (I met one woman, covered in bruises, first date). Most victims are groomed and lured in long before the abuse starts. It’s common for abuse to start during pregnancy or after giving birth. There are lots of online resources that can help you better understand the issues, and I suggest you take some time to learn about this.
Thank you for sharing! I understand that challenging all responses to life through the eyes of being a singular problem is not a great response, but I do think changing your mindset can help. I had loss of self for a while, which sent me through many emotions, and one thing I can say did help was changing my mindset. I changed it from seeing life happening to being active in it. I found the strengths from it all, and most of all developed a way to get forward, while accepting the shadows of my past. I totally agree people should feel their feelings, recognize they are not single faceted, and look to be loved, so keep your head up, and know we are all on our own spiritual journey, which helps us spread love, and that (each experience) is what keeps us growing. ❤️
Thank you, these are good points. I tend to favour the active mindset, I think that’s been part of my problem – that I’ve taken responsibility and focused on what I could do to change, and to change things at times when I should have held others to account. Or recognised that their refusal to be accountable did not mean I had to fix everything, I need to find more nuanced ways of approaching all of this.
Well you can always email me at hello@confidencefaith.com!
“The less I try to tough things out, the more resilient I am” – Resilience requires being soft enough to bend & bounce back; rigid things are more likely to fracture & shatter, unable to regain their form on their own. Delighted to see the resilience you have been describing.
“… start from the idea that how you feel is a fair response …” – Totally agree with this approach. All emotions are true. The key is interpreting their message for us and being accountable to our actions in response. Sharing your process via this blog is a great model for others to follow suit.
Thank you for this. I’ve learned a lot about softening this winter. I’ve had Taoism philosophy in my head for a long time, but I’d never successfully applied it to my inner life in this way before.
Nicr