Climbing back into my skin

(Nimue)

This last year has been very much about making my Paganism more embodied, and healing my body as I go. I have a history of disassociating. I’m very good at it. I’ve used it to deal with relentless body pain, as an escape from physical cruelty, and to try and deal with what lack of physical stimulation does to my brain. That last issue I think was being made worse by disassociating, but there we go. When all you’ve got is a hammer, as they say, problems tend to look like nails.

Much of the body pain is stiffness caused by the hypermobility, and tension caused by stress. When stress was a constant issue for me, there wasn’t much I could do but ignore it. Keeping a body calm and comfortable takes resources and opportunities I mostly didn’t have. Being able to take the time to relax and do soothing things is important for being well. So is not being stressed out of your mind in the first place.

What I have now feels like a soft animal body that I can inhabit. I am still sore a lot but nothing like the levels of pain I used to deal with. Sleeping better helps my body relax and recover, too. Gentle, physical affection in an ongoing way turns out to have a massively soothing effect, dialling down the stress and helping me to be more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin. This has been quite a surprising process.

It’s not easy being a Pagan when you’re also expending a lot of mental effort trying not to notice that you even have a body. I don’t recommend it at all.  Being able to enjoy and celebrate the experience of being alive has changed my spiritual life, from something ideas-based into something I live in an entirely different way. Having room for nature in my own body makes me feel more connected to the world around me. I feel like I’m part of the world, not separate from it, and this has really helped my mental health, too.

There’s so much pressure on us as people to live in ways that fundamentally deny our animal selves. It’s not good for mental or physical health to try and function like working machinery and to ignore what our bodies need. Rest and peace are such vital things. We all need gentleness and downtime, scope to play and relax. Our mammal selves struggle with overstimulation and relentless work. The more room I make for this body I have, the less I suffer.

What does your creature-self need right now? What parts of your animal self are you obliged to deny? What can you do today to honour nature as it is expressed by your own body? No matter how pressured you feel to be a machine, these are always questions worth asking.

Domestic animist

(Nimue)

The best book I ever read for exploring domestic magic is Maria DeBlassie’s Everyday Enchantments. She makes a powerful case for caring for your space as a magical activity. Keeping your living space to your liking is a meaningful act of self-care as well.

For animists, everything has spirit, and at least the potential for some kind of consciousness. I experience my living space as a community. Everything around me has its origins in the natural world. I have items that belonged to my ancestors, and newer things that are part of this new life I am co-creating with my partner. He too has an array of things that bring his stories and history into the space. Taking care of the space is an act of engagement with all of that.

The idea of treating physical objects kindly has always been important to me. That means handling things with care, looking after then, repairing, and treating objects as though they matter. Throwaway culture makes me unhappy. I find it difficult when people treat what’s around them thoughtlessly, especially when that results in items being needlessly damaged or broken.

I’m not the sort of person who needs everything to be spotless and perfectly tidy all of the time. Not least because I’m a crafter, and that gets lint onto floors fairly reliably. As I write this, the image I was working on is sat on a nearby chair, there’s a jigsaw in progress on the table and a few other things that have recently been used and not sorted out are around. Obsessive tidying can make a place feel sterile, and unlived in. I like a bit of the happy chaos that goes with a life full of things happening.

As with most things, it’s all about finding the right balances. What do you need to feel comfortable? What does the space need? What enables you to feel cared for in a space, and what feels to you like taking meaningful care of a space? What makes you comfortable and happy? The quest for self knowledge does not require a physical journey as you can learn a lot about yourself by exploring at home. Spirituality doesn’t have to be sought elsewhere. Animism is relevant to everything around you, How you take care of your living space is something that you can make a part of your everyday Druidry.

Spiritual love

(Nimue)

The love stories I am most used to, as a white European, are romantic love stories. We tell tales of people getting together, or the first rush of passion and attraction. Love in such tales tends to be sexual. It’s a very narrow take on what love is, and a misleading one as well. Romantic love doesn’t really work as some kind of event that happens to you.

As a Druid I experience love in response to landscapes, the elements and the living world. This is an everyday thing for me; a bubbling up of joy, adoration and delight that fills my heart and makes me feel open and expansive. This kind of love is very much at the centre of my Druidry.

As a follower of the bard path I am deeply emotionally affected by inspiration, and by the beauty other people create. As I hold inspiration sacred that feels intensely spiritual to me.

For many, love in a spiritual context can mean love of deity, of gurus, guides, prophets, teachers, ancestors, preachers, celebrants and the like. It can mean love of sacred texts and teachings, and of the religiously specific creations the path in question has inspired. Love of sacred places, of the relics of the sacred dead, and even the love of organisations and ways of living your beliefs can be part of this.

I’m interested in all of these broader and more spiritual approaches to the idea of love. I’m also interested in what happens when we approach our human relationships with the same openhearted appreciation that we might bring to landscapes or trees. Human love stories tend to include a lot of drama, conflict and tension – because that makes for a good story. It doesn’t make for the best experiences, though. Love that is softer, gentler, more exploratory, and more of an everyday thing has a lot more to offer.

Getting away from the Hollywood romance model opens up room for love that is wilder, more tender and more constant. Love like a sunset, an everyday beauty. Love like a stream moving through a valley, always changing and yet always itself. Love like the wheel of the year bringing gifts at every turn. Love that shows us our own sacredness as we see the sacredness inherent in the beloved. Love that can take any form, and that can take us in many different directions, joyfully and with wonder.

Pagan Fiction

(Nimue)

There are some hazy lines between Pagan fiction, paranormal writing, folk horror, historical fiction and urban fantasy. There have been many authors who have taken Pagan ideas to use in fiction without really conveying anything much of what Pagnism is like for those of us in it. The film The Wicker Man is a good example here – even though Summerisle is in some ways attractive, the story depends on the idea that being a Pagan cuts you off from modern sensibilities. At the same time, there was so little Pagan representation anywhere that this film was, for a long time, one of the few things that came close.

Representation is really important to me. However, when people write beyond their own experience there’s always a risk of cliche, stereotypes and misrepresentation. Paganism in folk horror is not usually about representing us, but about treating us as other. This is part of why it’s on my mind to write a folk horror novel from my definitively Pagan perspective.

I’ve written a few overtly Pagan novels already. Hunting the Egret strays a bit into the fantastical – it’s a Charles De Lint level of fantasy in that it is mostly set in the familiar world but there are magical elements to it. There’s obvious and conscious Paganism in this one, it’s definitely witchlit.

My Wherefore series is a supernatural soap opera and deliberately silly. However, I did my best animist writing while working on this project. The silliness opened up space where I could write about the intentions of yeast, ice and oolites, and attribute intention to things that, in more serious fiction I might not have felt able to give a voice to.

Spells for the Second Sister is set up to look more like fairytale informed fantasy, but there are some decidedly Pagan themes underpinning it all. It’s a story about what we inherit from our ancestors, about spirits of place, and magically transforming your own life through your own intentions.

At some point later this year I shall be releasing a novel called Ghosts of the Lost Forest – this one has a lot of lived Paganism in it, including people going to moots and doing rituals. It blends the ordinary side of being a Pagan with some of the more startling experiences a person might have as a consequence of following a path.

All of the books in my ko-fi shop are free as ebooks. There’s an option to pay what you like. Alongside the fiction I also have some Druid titles and some poetry collections. I write first and foremost because I want to share ideas and stories with others, which is also why I give work away both here and on ko-fi. Donations via ko-fi and support via Patreon help me keep doing that. If everyone who subscribed to Druid Life dropped an English pound on me once a year I’d be doing really well economically. I’m aware that many people have no disposable income worth mentioning and that many people are struggling, which is why I’d rather give what I can in the hopes of offering some small comfort to people who need it.

When a Pagan Prays

(Nimue)

It’s quite a moment in the life of a book when it crosses the 1000 sales line. This one has taken a while to get there, but it is a niche topic within a niche topic and I took a somewhat unconventional approach to the whole thing. It cheered me this week to find this book has reached this point.

I came to the subject of prayer as someone interested in it rather than someone doing it. I wanted to explore what role prayer plays in spiritual practice and I spent a lot of time reading about what people of other faiths do, as there wasn’t much Pagan material out there.

The wider social view of prayer is that it’s about asking God to give you stuff. This is not generally how things work for people who have a regular prayer practice. It’s much more interesting than that, and is an activity that can have a huge impact on a person.

Some way into the research I decided that I needed to experiment. It would not be enough to just study prayer as a topic, I was going to have to do some if I wanted to understand it. This had a huge impact on the amount of panic I was experiencing at the time and broke me out of starting each day by waking up into a full blown panic attack. Interestingly I wasn’t focusing my prayers on any particular deity or with a view to dealing with the panic. The practice itself gets a lot done regardless of how or where you direct it.

Currently Moon Books has an ebook sale on, so if you’re reading this post in January of 2024 you can get any of my ebooks from this publisher at 50% off using the code JANSALE24

When a Pagan Prays is over here – https://www.collectiveinkbooks.com/moon-books/our-books/when-pagan-prays

And all of my books with Collective Ink are here – https://www.collectiveinkbooks.com/moon-books/authors/nimue-brown

Pagan Book News

Earlier in the year I set up a page on Facebook for Pagan book news. I wanted to do something to support my people – in this case Pagans, Pagan authors, and reader and also book culture. We’re all under a lot of pressure at the moment, social media restricts views of links, AI users are trying to push real creators out sites that sell our stuff take ever bigger cuts. This was a small thing I thought I could do to try and help people.

In a fit of inspiration, I thought it might be fun to do a Pagan Book of the Year – with fiction and nonfiction categories. I opened nominations a few weeks ago, and now there’s a poll running. You can vote over here – https://s.surveyplanet.com/hlu76wny

It’s not a deeply considered assessment of every Pagan title to come out in the last year. I wish I had the resources to do that, but I don’t. People nominated books and I invited authors to put their own work forward. However, it is worth saying that quite a few books were nominated by people who had read and loved them, which was wonderful. I have a book on the list because someone nominated it, I did not put myself forward and hadn’t intended to include anything of my own.

Voting will be open until the 30th December and I’ll announce the results on the 31st. Do check out the titles in the lists, there’s lots of really good stuff there. One of my hopes is that this will help draw attention to all of the books on the list because even when you’ve got a publisher it isn’t easy even making people aware that your book exists.

My First Steps Towards The Morrigan

(David)

This is my promised follow-up to my post The Morrigan, dated 26 November 2023.

I first knew consciously of the goddess known as the Morrigan, or Great Queen, in
my early 30s, maybe 35 years ago, when I borrowed a library book of Irish
mythology. She doesn’t feature as strongly in my memories of those tales as my
impression at the time that the famous hero Cu Chulainn was a right dick, and I’m
not surprised that was my impression of him because at the time I was in my final
years of a Royal Navy career during which I’d encountered a fair number of
braggarts and had fought bullying wherever I found it.

In my 30 years of paganism following my medical retirement from the navy, living in
our lovely little wooded valley in Devon, I’ve formed good relationships with several
animal guides, most prominently Lion, She-Wolf, Bear, and in recent years Crow,
and with some nature spirits. The spirit of place in this valley, Lady, has been a
growing presence in my life here.

So, a month or so ago, when I wanted to petition someone with the power and
authority to grant me a big thing I want, I asked Lady to introduce me to an
appropriate person. That day I received a powerful visitation from Crow, with the
vocal message that my wish was granted. Hours later, led I believe by Crow, I found
Lora O’Brien’s YouTube channel, where I started devouring trustworthy academic
knowledge, and quickly thereafter I enrolled in Lora’s Irish Pagan School

https://irishpaganschool.com , taking introductory courses that focus upon the
Morrigan in lore and experience.

But I wasn’t sure at first that it was actually the Morrigan answering my request.
Someone was, or so I believed, but I didn’t know for sure that it was Herself. I was
very cautious about this new-for-me exploration of working with a deity.

I understood the message from Crow to be that the introduction had been made, not
that my petition was granted, and I decided the right way for me to proceed was to
learn about Herself and not be pushy about the petition.

The Morrigan is a shapeshifter who appears in several known forms. One of them is
a She-Wolf, but I don’t know if the She-Wolf who came into my life 30 years ago is
Herself. Crow is another known shape, but I don’t know if the Crow who came
vigorously into my life two years ago is Herself. I honestly don’t know, and I’m forever
conscious that novelist me is capable of inventing good believable shit.

Then, last week during one Lora’s guided journeys to the Irish Otherworld, the
Morrigan stood watching me from the side of my path. She didn’t speak, and I didn’t
feel invited to, but I knew as strongly as I could know that the woman with red hair
and red eyebrows wearing a red cloak was the Great Queen.

Next day, while preparing in ritual for a long road trip I was about to make from
Devon to see my frail elderly Mum on the Wirral, I asked the Morrigan to protect me
and my daughter during our trip, and I was thrilled that we were accompanied from

start to finish, all the way there and back, by crows. Especially and very heavily in
one place in the Midlands of England where many crows build their nests in tall trees on
either side of the M6. My best guess was somewhere in Worcestershire, and from my
poorly-person bed made up in the back of a car I saw many big crows’ nests in the
tallest bare-branched trees. Scores, possibly hundreds, of big black nests. Yes, I was
acutely aware of them, even more than I would have been otherwise, but as well as
their physical presence in numbers I felt the powerful impact of them guiding us.

This is where I am now. I’m still cautious, even more than I was at first because of
what I’ve learned about The Morrigan. I know she is not someone to mess around.
That a contract made with her is a serious affair. That if I decide to work with her it
depends first if she wants to work with me, and then that I must be in a right
relationship with her. It will be challenging. Difficult. Possibly a very hard road.

I don’t yet know if this is in my future. What I do believe now is that I’ve been brought
into the Great Queen’s presence and to her attention. What will happen next, I don’t
know. I intend to continue learning, taking things step-by-step and remaining
cautious. And we shall see.

The Morrigan

(David)

I am in the process of research, seeking knowledge, after experiencing a powerful visitation from Crow. Who I know, like, and respect, but who also in this instance may or may not be The Morrigan.

I don’t know. I’m very cautious.

In theory, I could fit the bill and this might be a path I’m being called to follow. I’m a warrior, with the first half of my adult life spent in the military. I’m also a rebel. In the military, despite my promotions through the ranks to a certain point, I dedicated myself to battling against bullying. To fairness. Certain people considered me a bleeding heart liberal, but those who came under my care in that respect were grateful for it. Also, many of my ancestors were Irish. In my living memory, a big part of my family were part of the Irish diaspora. I refused to fight in Northern Ireland during the Troubles, being vocally opposed to Thatcher’s shoot-to-kill policy. I’m glad to say that although my 20 years service included several conflicts, I was never required to participate in any that involved colonialism. Luck? Good fortune? Coincidence? Or helpful guidance? And in the second half of my adult life, in civvy street, I’ve remained a rebel. An eco-activist. A social justice warrior. In theory, the sort of person who might be called by The Morrigan.

In practice, however, my thirty years (plus) of paganism have been deliberately both solitary and having no involvement with any deities.

So, yes, I’m cautious. Because of course it’s perfectly possible that losing control through dedication and service might be the first thing I am required to accept. But it’s equally possible that romanticism is leading me astray. And even if the call is real, I’m very aware that The Morrigan isn’t a comfortable presence in anyone’s life. She is demanding, to say the least.

So I’m going to read and read and read, to scry and see and experience, to wait and listen and learn.

Spirits of Place

(Nimue)

This month I’m going to be starting a new Pagan, non-fiction project over on Patreon. I’ve done a few books now at the rate of a chapter a month, and this is something I find tremendously helpful. Writing books for my Patreon supporters gives me a much needed focus, and the economic support is certainly helpful.

(If you were wondering about the economics… between the books I sell and income from other paid writing, I’m somewhere in the top 5-10% for author earnings, but this is an industry in which success as a professional author looks like £10k a year.)

I’ve recently finished a book on Pagan Pilgrimage, and I’m exploring how to take that forwards. Some of my books are in my ko-fi store for free (or pay what you like). I do this because I believe in gift economy. I like having a mix of traditionally published and self published books.

The spirits of place book will be an exploration of what spirits of place are within contemporary Druidry. I’ll offer ways of thinking about them, meeting them and connecting with them. I come at this as an animist. I work from the assumption that everything is potentially capable of feelings and preferences. Magically speaking this takes me towards cooperation rather than control. So this is not going to be about harnessing the powers of the spirits of place, doing spells with them or anything else of that flavour.

For me, Druidry is very much about relationship. I’m primarily interested in the kinds of magic that come from encountering and experiencing. There is room for enchantment in this, for wonder and inspiration. I’m interested in what happens when we make connections, and how to make those connections in the first place. If magic follows from there, it flows in a cooperative way.

This is a book I’ve wanted to write for some years, and I’ve come to a point of feeling ready to take the subject on. My experience of writing books is that sometimes they’ve been a transformative process for me. That happened particularly around When a Pagan Prays, and Pagan Pilgrimage and I have a feeling that writing this book will be as much a journey into new experiences as it will a consolidating of the things I already know.

Being Human

(David)

Humo sum: humani nihil a me alienum puto.

I believe the straightforward translation of this quote is, ‘I am human: I consider nothing human is alien to me’, and the general acceptance is that it expresses the fundamental unity of humankind.

It is also widely accepted that its origin is in Heauton Timorumenos, a play by Publius Terentius Afer, who was a North-African immigrant to Rome and possibly a former slave. Terentius was a cosmopolitan who was familiar with Amazigh (North-African), Carthaginian (Phoenician), Latin, and Greek cultures. A classic, and classical, multicultural background.

But I guess he was penning an already existing thought, possibly from hundreds or even thousands of years earlier. And why not? After all, can any thoughts claim to be unarguably original? Few, I think.

I came across this quote while researching the concept of an eternal goddess, in particular her historical incarnation as Astarte, for an as-yet unwritten novel. I sketched a shape of these thoughts in the mind of her priestess, in whose person Astarte meets humanity and explores the idea that people have created her to fill their need even as they are worshipping her. So, the goddess is both divine and human, existing on one level with godly creators and at the same time as a creation of humanity.

Today, old Terentius’s words got me thinking about how I consider my fellow humans.

Unsurprisingly, because I respect and admire her greatly, my preferred interpretation of the quote is from Maya Angelou: ‘I am a human being. Nothing human can be alien to me.’

So, this is where I am. I go further, wider than the worldview that encompassed all of humanity. My adapted version of the quote is, ‘I am part of nature: I consider nothing in nature is alien to me.’ This is where I stand.

This is an excerpt from A Hedge Druid’s Grove – find out more about the book over here – https://www.beatentrackpublishing.com/?n1=publications&id=489