Pagan talks

(Nimue)

I’m going to be at this event at the end of June, talking about creativity and the bard path. I shall get my soap box out because I feel passionately that everyone should have the opportunity and the resources to be creative. I’m also going to be talking about the ways in which AI steals from all of us, and why that matters.

I like talking at events. I’ve done a modest amount along the way – both online and in person. I’m not really a ‘deliver a paper’ sort of speaker. I prefer, as with this talk, to be able to pick a topic that I know deeply and can speak on with confidence without having to script it. I also like being able to go with the flow in terms of mood and audience. I like to be able to respond to what seems to engage the people I’m with rather than having to stick to  planned speech.

My usual approach is to have a running order of sub-topics within the area I’m tackling, and then to take that point by point in an off-the-cuff sort of way. I find I’m more relaxed when I can do this, because I’m working from places of strength and confidence.

There’s no one right way of doing this, of course. It depends on what works for you, and the kinds of audiences you are dealing with. Some spaces very much want the delivery of carefully written papers. Whatever makes you feel most relaxed and confident is the best choice for you if you’re intending to get out on a stage in front of people.

I’m very much up for speaking at events if they are in viable striking distance for me, or if accommodation can be sorted. I can also do workshops, especially around creativity and meditation. I will consider online events, especially if I don’t have to be up late at night to participate! I am no sort of night owl, more a limp pigeon, and my ability to talk coherently at length deteriorates as the night wears on, so that’s a factor.

More about the June event here – https://pagantribalgathering.org.uk/

Changing how I look

This is the new cover for a madcap speculative novel of mine – Spells for the Second Sister – that you can find in my ko-fi store. https://ko-fi.com/s/f312aa059a

It came out last year with an entirely different cover that didn’t have much colour. I’ve seen at events over the winter that people weren’t even picking it up to look at the back, where books with stronger colours on them get a lot more attention, which was a significant motivation for the new look.

I like colour. A lot of my fiction books have comedic elements – this one certainly does and I think brighter visual approaches better represent who I am and what I’m doing. My fiction is speculative, and increasingly playful. Some of my older books are more troubled, but I think people need humour and joy at the moment far more than we need challenges.

I’ve been doing quite a bit this last year to lighten and brighten how I present myself – which started by revamping this blog. I’m a joyful person by nature. My gothic tendencies include appreciating ruins, nocturnal creatures and certain aesthetics, and there can be great beauty in melancholy art, but I’m not into misery or relentless gloom. I previously let my visual presentation with books be too defined by someone else, and I’m enjoying breaking out of that into brighter, lighter approaches. Updating this cover has been good. I’m going to sort out the print version shortly.

This last year has been a time of real flourishing for me, in all aspects of my life. I find myself stretching and growing in all kinds of different directions. I’m also a lighter, brighter person than I used to be. It’s not unlike the way many plants flourish if you take them out of dark corners and let them have as much sun as they need. Figuring out how I want to express that is an ongoing process, and one that I’m very much enjoying.

Celebrating my muse

(Nimue)

Today is my partner’s birthday so it seemed like a good time to talk a little about our shared history and how we came to be where we are. 

It all started on a stage at a steampunk event. Keith was running the stage, I was contributing to it and we instantly hit it off and appreciated each other’s creative work. I was struck by his charm, wit and warmth, and how easy he was to work with. I’m seldom much impacted by how people look, but he is a dashingly handsome chap and I wasn’t oblivious to that.

As a result of that weekend, I wrote a sea shanty for the Hopeless, Maine project, and Keith asked if he could write stories in the setting. I’ve always been keen to have more people contributing, so that was an enthusiastic yes. Stories ensued – usually funny, and digging in with the twisted whimsy. Keith figured out ways to get Hopeless onto the stage, and we had a few rounds of that. He ran a kickstarter for some of the prose fiction he and I had written, and also ran online events pretty much because I asked him to and he has the tech to make that feasible.

We spent time together at events over some years. We supported and encouraged each other creatively, test-read each other’s work, batted suggestions back and forth. He’s one of the few people I’d ask for advice if I am struggling with a project, and he’s been of considerable help in the past. It was always a substantial and very creative friendship.

Back in the autumn of 2022 I discovered that Keith could sing, and wanted to sing. Getting people performing has always been a passion of mine. Helping people find their voices and their confidence is a thing I am here for, and I could see Keith had huge potential. This led to me playing viola again, which in turn led us to becoming Jessica Law’s Outlaws.

Along the way there was a process for me of realising just how much I love him.

It’s not been a smooth journey. We were both with other people when we started to realise that we wanted to be together. These things are inevitably messy. I try to be careful with other people’s privacy when it comes to the blog, so this is a gappy story with a lot to leave out. There’s nothing I’ve done that I won’t happily admit to, but only in private conversations. There are however a lot of things I can’t write about at all without that flagging up things about my history. I’ve tried to keep that focused on what I’m learning and what’s changing for me, but it’s a tricky balance and I end up not saying far more than I say.

Keith has been amazing for me. His love and support have been life changing. He inspires me, and encourages me and as a result I’ve been far more confident and far more creative since we’ve been together. It’s no exaggeration to call him my muse, and he takes that seriously as a job (and is also delightfully silly about it). His desire to give me the chance to be everything I could be is the most incredible blessing.

That I have become a lot more physically and mentally well is very much due to him. I’m not stressed all the time. I sleep well, I relax. I feel secure, and I know that any difficulties can be talked about and worked through. That substantial friendship we started from gives us a firm basis. We’re both people who want to communicate and to understand, and who care and want to take care of each other. That gets a lot done.

This life is an adventure, a dance, an enchantment.  

Inclusivity and fairies

(Nimue)

Here we are in Gloucester with a small fairy parade to promote an event at the end of the month. There was a lot of singing in the street and some productive testing of songs for future parading. I’m pleased with how that’s going and with what I’m putting together on the music side at the moment.

My new project – Carnival of Cryptids – is a flexible thing. I’ve got a core of very capable and experienced singers, not all of whom will be able to make it to every event we might do. I also have a wider community of people who, for all kinds of reasons cannot make a substantial commitment. Part of the point of this project is to create opportunities for people whose care roles, health issues and other factors might otherwise make it hard for them to participate in a musical group. It’s also a safe space in which less experienced singers can develop, take modest risks and become more confident and capable performers. I’m really pleased with how it’s going.

Inclusion matters a lot to me. One of the reasons I’m keen to support the fairy events in Gloucester is because of how inclusive they are. You can see in the photo that we have people with disability aides in the mix. There are other kinds of diversity here too that are not so immediately self-announcing. Safe space matters, and the invitation to participate matters.

There was a little team from Carnival of Cryptids out for this, and we’ll be singing again at the end of the month (event info below, visit https://www.facebook.com/JMKordas for more details). We’re going to hold some space where anyone who wants to sing with us can just turn up. Anyone who wants a song sheet ahead of time please get in touch, or just rock up on the day, we have plenty of songs that are easy to pick up as you go along if you’re comfortable with that sort of thing. Or just come along and listen – we’ve got some great singers in the mix and some interesting songs – including some overtly fairy content. 

I shall have some fairy song videos to share at some point. I’ll also be doing fairy songs in Borth on the 9th of March as Jessica Law and the Outlaws – we should be on at 4pm, More details over here – https://goblincircus.carrd.co/

Live at the Folk

(Nimue)

Back in October we played a Halloween gig at The Folk of Gloucester. ‘We’ in this case is Jessica Law and the Outlaws. That gig was recorded and you can now get it from bandcamp. Being a live thing, and having been recorded off the cuff by the chap who stepped in at the last minute to help with sound, it’s not a recording-studio standard. Money raised from sales is going to support the building.

When I was a child, the building was Gloucester folk museum, and some of the larger pieces from that time are still housed there. It was closed as a museum some years ago and is now looked after by Gloucester Civic Trust. It’s home to local folk, steampunk and fairy events, and other lovely things I’m involved with. 

It’s an amazing building – the original part is Tudor. It’s been residential, it’s been shops, and workshops in its history and a remarkable amount of the old buildings survive intact. But, keeping an old building going is a lot of work, and there are costs. The reason we have events there is to help raise funds to keep the building going. 

We played the Halloween gig for free – although the venue is very good at paying performers and doesn’t expect everyone to donate their time and skill for each event. We have a good culture in Gloucester around trying to make sure everyone gets what they want and need from the events and that no one ends up compromised by being involved. It’s a team I’m very happy being part of, and that I am getting more involved with.

You can listen to things for free on bandcamp, so if you want to find out what Jessica Law and the Outlaws sound like, you can do that. If you like and want to support The Folk, do buy it. You can name your price – another model I‘m very fond of. All funds from this will go to The Folk.

New Musical Adventures

(Nimue)

I started playing the viola again back in the autumn of 2022. At that point I’d not played for years, having lost too much mobility from both shoulders. It was a fight to get the viola back. At this point I can plausibly get my left hand into the right position for a violin as well, so I may have further things to explore – whether I could get my bow arm round far enough for a smaller instrument I don’t yet know.

Keith inspired me to start playing again, and sharing music with him has been an absolute joy. Thanks to him, I now get to play viola for Jessica Law, which is great fun and we’ve had some lovely gigs.

I’m getting a new bow. This is something I’m doing around taking myself more seriously. The bow is as much the instrument as the box is, and has a huge impact on the sound you can make. The better the quality of the bow, the better the sound and you can spend as much as you want on this. Thanks to my parents I am getting a new bow as my Christmas present. That’ll be happening today.

It’s an investment in the music, in the future and an act of trust that this is worth doing. I’ve come a long way since I picked up the viola again, and much has changed. I’m really enjoying playing and it’s great having such brilliant people in my life to share the music with. I’m enthused about a lot of things, inspired and hopeful and looking towards the future. Where I’ve been doesn’t seem anything like as important as where I get to go from here.

Taking myself seriously

(Nimue)

I’ve been putting various kinds of work into the world for a long time now, so it might seem odd for me to say that I struggle to take myself seriously. Some of this is about internalised capitalism – the impact of being measured by how much we earn. If you’ve been reading the comments you’ll know I’ve had a lot of trolling on this blog in the last year and regular attacks on my worth based on my not being massively successful economically. It’s hardly an unusual experience and there are plenty of now-famous creators whose work is prized, who were unvalued paupers while they lived.

None of us know what kind of legacy we are leaving or how the future might view us. To live well calls for living as though what you do could make a difference. We are all part of this world, and we all impact on each other to some degree. There’s a lot to be said for living as though your choices and actions matter. It’s a way of being that allows us all some dignity and self respect. We are considerably more than our earning power. The worth we contribute can take many forms, and the work that we are most called to do may not be well rewarded economically.

For most of my life, the work I felt called to do has come second to other things. Responsibilities as a parent, and obligations to pay the bills have dominated how I’ve spent my time. A lot of the things I’ve done were voluntary, and there are so many things of value that only happen because people give freely of their time and resources.

I find myself in the remarkable position of living with someone who values what I do and who wants me to do more of it. I’m not under the same economic pressure that I was, and I have the space to follow my own inspiration and explore what I feel most called to do. This has opened up a lot of space for me as a creator, and it’s also making me look at what other kinds of things I should be doing. Being able to focus on what’s needed and what I am best able to give rather than simply how to earn money is an incredible privilege and an opportunity for which I am profoundly grateful.

It’s also very difficult to earn a living as a creator when you have to pour most of your time and energy into other things and can only fit it round the edges. Having the time and energy to be creative with makes a lot of odds. Having the brain space to think about writing, to imagine and to learn in a way that supports that imagining makes worlds of difference. Most full time creators are only able to be that because someone else is willing to support them, and that’s a facet of the creative industries as a whole that really needs talking about.

So I’m trying to take myself more seriously, and look at what I can do best. I’m trying to act as though what I do matters and can make a difference, and to believe in my own skills and insights. This is a process of learning to trust myself, finding my courage and my conviction and working out how to make the best things that I possibly can. I’m excited about it, and hopeful about where this journey will take me.

After Thought Bubble

(Nimue)

It’s the morning after the Thought Bubble weekend and that’s mostly what’s on my mind today. ThoughtBubble is a massive comics event in Yorkshire, in the UK. I spent much of the weekend on the Sloth Comics table (photo above) with lovely Nic. Sloth publishes an array of things, including some French comics in translation and the entire Hopeless, Maine graphic novel series. In the photo below I’m holding the Hopeless, Maine graphic novel, which I saw for the first time at the weekend.

It’s great having in-person time. Nic and I had a number of interesting conversations leaving me with things to think about regarding what I do next. At the moment that’s far too fledgling to dangle in public, but ‘next’ is very much a thing.

I also got to meet several facebook friends in person for the first time. I had a chat with John Reppion – whose work I’ve already reviewed here. I’ll be reviewing his latest book this week. I got to meet Aly Fell, whose work I love, and to wave briefly at Dr Geof and Collin Mathieson, and many other people I know and like. The trouble with massive events is that there’s no way of having much interaction with friends who are also working.

In the past, my experience of doing massive events has included meltdowns – generally in the forms of panic attacks and weeping. The noise, movement, and sheer amount of visual input at one of these is immense. However, I got through this weekend with only a brief round of feeling a bit wobbly on the Saturday night. There have been two major contributors to this.

I went into it far more chilled than has been my default in previous years. I also had ongoing emotional support. Keith is very good at keeping me calm and helping me deal with stress, so massive gratitude to him for that. 

The other major factor was the hat. Custom made by Marieanne McAvoy, the hat was designed to help me cope with more challenging events. It cuts down my peripheral vision and also somewhat reduces noise for me. It makes crowded spaces easier to be in because I just can’t see as much. I’d thought for a while that something resembling blinkers would help me cope better, and I was right about this. It’s also eye catching, which is good for being on a table.

I’m in the happy position that this kind of event has just become a huge amount more feasible for me. I’m writing this on the Monday after, with no sign of burnout. I’m tired rather than exhausted. I may need a few gentle days but I’m not wiped out, which is wonderful. Having the right kit and good support makes worlds of difference to pretty much everything.

Fairy issues

This is me at the Fairy Windings in Gloucester last weekend, before I played my final set of the weekend. It was an excellent thing to get to be part of. Fairy events overlap with both people who do steampunk, and Pagan folk, so it’s an interesting mix. I did a talk on Paganism, and am likely to do more of that at future events. 

One of the things that struck me is that this was all very light, post-Victorian fairy stuff, apart from us. We took the classic fairy ballad Thomas the Rhymer. I have a Jenny Greenteeth song. We talked about the dark side of fairy quite a bit and on the Saturday night were dressed that way too. Hopefully at the next event Jessica Law is going to do a talk about fairies in folk ballads. By this means we smuggle the older and more complicated fairies of folklore in amongst the brighter stuff. It feels good to be able to do this.

It’s pretty much a year since Keith inspired me to try playing the viola again. I’ve come a huge distance in that time, able now to gig and play a whole set where a year ago I could barely hold the instrument for five minutes. I’ve created arrangements for a lot of Jessica’s songs and am able to do faster and more intricate things when the song calls for it. In recent weeks I’ve been enjoying my own playing rather than just struggling to do a decent job. I feel more like the me of previous years who played a lot of music. It’s been a really happy process.

I’ve come away from this event with things to work on ahead of future ones, and the offer of a place on the team to contribute creatively in whatever way I want to. This makes me very happy indeed. It’s great to have spaces where I can do creative things and create opportunities for other people to engage creatively too. I’m going to be looking at what we do when we take processions out, and I have some songs and chants to write for that.

There is a folkloric relationship between fiddle players and fairies. There are definite possibilities that the fiddle player will turn out to be a fairy, or will be lured away by the fairies. Violas are basically big fiddles.

Out and about

(Nimue)

On Thursday night I’m performing at a local storytelling event with James and Keith. We’re using a format Keith has led on before – The Hopeless Home Companion, based a bit on a radio programme called The Prairie Home Companion. It’s the first time James has been on the team for one of these, and it should be a giggle. We’re regulars at these events, having contributed stories for the open mic section, and stood in one time when the booked musician dropped out at the last minute.

Interestingly, I didn’t pitch it as Ominous Folk, but this appears to be a well established ‘brand’ now that can go out doing things that aren’t purely musical – this will be mostly spoken word and a couple of songs. It’s also evidently a bigger brand than the original team. This is also a factor for the gigs we have coming up at the weekend where Ominous Folk will be myself, James, Keith and Jessica Law. We’ll be performing as Jessica Law and the Outlaws as well, but it’s very different material and music styles, and Jo who has organised the faery event is fine with that.

These might be the last gigs for Ominous Folk. It’s certainly the last gig for this year, and much depends on what other people decide to do. I am dedicated to keeping an unaccompanied group singing project going, but it might make more sense to do that as The Jovial Crew – which we’ll be out as at Christmas and which is also a mumming side. I’ve tried to keep Ominous Folk going, but for a number of reasons, Tom Brown has been problematic to work with this summer. I’m not prepared to keep doing things I find uncomfortable. Ominous Folk was very much my project from the beginning, so I have no qualms about either ending it or changing it depending on what looks most likely to work moving forwards.

On the Sunday of the faery event I’m putting my Druid hat on to do a talk about seasonal Paganism. There’s free stuff in the day on the 7th and 8th. I’ve not been out much as a Pagan speaker in recent years but it is something I’ve done in the past and am getting back into. I’m very much open to suggestions if anyone wants me for anything.