(Nimue)
I’ve been putting various kinds of work into the world for a long time now, so it might seem odd for me to say that I struggle to take myself seriously. Some of this is about internalised capitalism – the impact of being measured by how much we earn. If you’ve been reading the comments you’ll know I’ve had a lot of trolling on this blog in the last year and regular attacks on my worth based on my not being massively successful economically. It’s hardly an unusual experience and there are plenty of now-famous creators whose work is prized, who were unvalued paupers while they lived.
None of us know what kind of legacy we are leaving or how the future might view us. To live well calls for living as though what you do could make a difference. We are all part of this world, and we all impact on each other to some degree. There’s a lot to be said for living as though your choices and actions matter. It’s a way of being that allows us all some dignity and self respect. We are considerably more than our earning power. The worth we contribute can take many forms, and the work that we are most called to do may not be well rewarded economically.
For most of my life, the work I felt called to do has come second to other things. Responsibilities as a parent, and obligations to pay the bills have dominated how I’ve spent my time. A lot of the things I’ve done were voluntary, and there are so many things of value that only happen because people give freely of their time and resources.
I find myself in the remarkable position of living with someone who values what I do and who wants me to do more of it. I’m not under the same economic pressure that I was, and I have the space to follow my own inspiration and explore what I feel most called to do. This has opened up a lot of space for me as a creator, and it’s also making me look at what other kinds of things I should be doing. Being able to focus on what’s needed and what I am best able to give rather than simply how to earn money is an incredible privilege and an opportunity for which I am profoundly grateful.
It’s also very difficult to earn a living as a creator when you have to pour most of your time and energy into other things and can only fit it round the edges. Having the time and energy to be creative with makes a lot of odds. Having the brain space to think about writing, to imagine and to learn in a way that supports that imagining makes worlds of difference. Most full time creators are only able to be that because someone else is willing to support them, and that’s a facet of the creative industries as a whole that really needs talking about.
So I’m trying to take myself more seriously, and look at what I can do best. I’m trying to act as though what I do matters and can make a difference, and to believe in my own skills and insights. This is a process of learning to trust myself, finding my courage and my conviction and working out how to make the best things that I possibly can. I’m excited about it, and hopeful about where this journey will take me.
Druid Life 
I’m excited and hopeful about it too! 🙂
Your skills are strong, your insights deep and often magical. What you do matters. You very much does make a difference.
Thank you so much for all of your support and encouragement. x
I’m sad people had a go at you about material “success”. Even if you believe in that worldview, to publicly deride somebody for not fulfilling your notion of success is obviously the act of a jerk.
Only a fraction of the contribution a person makes to the world can he measured in currency. The creations I’m proudest of are things I give to the world for free, as open source software and ideas. Work can be good, too, but it’s mainly there to pay for bills.
Heard the term “clout-chasing” recently and that really resonated with me. It gave a name to a behavior that really irks me, especially from anonymous people online, when people take the time to just be nasty & negative toward something creative someone had the courage to put out into the world. The person can, with very little effort or fear of real consequences, steal some of the energy the creative person generated just by latching on with their negativity. The good news is though that as long as the creative person produced & shared the work with integrity, they should be able to outlast any detriment the negativity caused and even gain more recognition for it.
The irony is that there’s so much more power to be had in lifting and encouraging others, it’s a more effective boost for the person doing it and of course also lifts the other person too.
Thank you for this.
Your little essay describes my Attitude towards what I do in Druidism. It is because of my Druidistic Creativity does not earn me much that I work other occupations to keep the Bills Paid such as doing Construction Traffic Control, Property Caretaking or Landscape Gardening.
I’m glad you’ve got the courage to say all of this and thank you. Your legacy is so much more than earning pounds and pence and paying the rent.
That said, I worry she’ll get pleasure in knowing she’s upset you in this way with past comments, and I’d really rather she didn’t get that. We know who we are talking about.
Best wishes
Roratura
She may well be the sort of person who takes pleasure in hurting others – and maybe she needs to hear that yes, she makes me uncomfortable. But not enough to stop me, or even slow me down. In dealing with her criticism I have become more sure of myself and more certain of what I need to do. It’s the grit that enables oysters to make pearls.
I worked for 40 years, and have been fortunate to live long enough to enjoy my pension. I have, as a friend put it, “enough, and to share”. My creative endeavors have always been amateur, and mainly just for me (although I did produce some nice stained glass pieces for wedding gifts back when people I knew were getting married). I do believe that, whether as a main life’s work or as a sidelined hobby, a creative outlet of some sort is absolutely essential for humans, and if that is denied it results in a deep distress in us.
I very much agree with you. Opportunities for expression and creativity are essential and everyone should have those.
I object to this slander. Not once have I said you’re not of any worth. Take all that back, and quick.
I get that you bumping into Tom again this weekend in Glos can’t have been easy in front of other people but don’t take it out on me please.
Dolly
Hello Dolly, I absolutely stand by my words, you have gone out of your way to try and make me uncomfortable and you clearly enjoy doing it because you aren’t a very nice person. Get a lawyer if you like.
I barely saw Tom at the weekend, I had a fantastic time, I’m on a high today with all the plans and ideas that came out of it.
That’s great if you are on a high so why post so bitterly against others. You already scapegoated Tom on here as being the route source off all your previous unhappiness, now it seems it’s my turn. Pack it in.
You can go away, you do not need to be here. Tom has done a lot to make me miserable and I have celebrated my journey into finding deep happiness. He’s not my whole history, but he’s some of it. If you don’t like that you could just do us both a favour and fuck off. You’re read bitterness in, most of this post is a celebration of progress made, and a moderate amount of annoyance at your ongoing bullshit.
You need to read your own post on victim playing.
What’s sad is that your own unhappiness or happiness seems to depend entirely on what man is in your life. That’s not particular wise nor enlightened at nearly 50. Put that in your pipe. Might even inspire another hand-wringing blog post.k
You might want to spend less time on your fantasies about my life and invest more time in trying to become the sort of person who might have real relationships and actual friendships.
I don’t know the background to this situation, but I do wonder what you’re actually trying to achieve with these comments… To an outsider such as myself, it just looks like bullying 😦 Is that really what you want to be doing, and what you want people to see you doing?
The background is that this started about a year ago, the person doing it uses various names but I think it’s just the one person, they are really invested in doing this for reasons best known to themselves.
Hi Dolly,
This message is human to human – and it cannot be anything more than that since I do not know any of the people involved personally. I would say this privately if I knew of means to do so (apologies for my ignorance here) because fear of scrutiny in the public sphere tends to limit heartfelt expression or heartopen listening, especially through text. My gut keeps prompting me to respond to the pain being shared though, so I say these things because it feels like the right thing to do.
You seem to be feeling outrage at some of the words Nimue posts, feeling attacked & misrepresented & wronged. Some boundary feels violated, of something that is very important. That experience could not be stopped, and that is a really hard thing to go through. The discomfort of it all is very intense and feels like something needs to be said. There have been a few tries to get those words out there, yet the discomfort lingers.
I completely understand skeptical mistrust of an internet stranger’s intentions or capabilities and so hold no expectations, but my offer remains: if any of this message has resonated with you, you are welcome to email me at classicalfae@hotmail.com. There is no obligation to respond to this comment whatsoever, and I intend this to be my only public comment directed toward you about the situation. If you do respond, none of what you say will be repeated by me to anyone.
All the best
~Alainafae
(Assuming this comment is approved, thank you Nimue for approving it if it is)
Thank you for stepping up. I have no idea who this person is or what their issue is with me, and when I’ve invited them to talk they’ve denied that they have an issue. I sincerely hope they feel able to talk to you.