(Nimue)
Equinoxes always invite considerations of balance, what it means to us and where we are with it. Do you need more balance? Do you feel like you’re in stasis and need to shake your life up? Are some aspects of your life out of balance? Are you experiencing balance as harmony or as many forces pulling in different directions? Is balance a good thing for you?
I’m finding that I feel most balanced when there’s a lot going on. When there are many things pulling me happily in different directions, that works for me. I like having a mix of energies in my life, different flavours of things, different spaces to be in. I’m calmer and much more settled in myself when my life is more chaotic.
Conversely, in the times when life was narrow and predicable, I felt unstable. Emotionally I was far less balanced and I was not at peace with myself.
What works as balance for me may well look like mayhem from the outside. The ways of living that some people would no doubt find soothing and peaceful leave me fractious and uncomfortable.
Balance is a really personal thing. Your emotional centre of gravity won’t be the same as mine. The balance and poise of a heron is very different from the balance of a spider web. Some insects can balance on the surface of water and others are caught in it and likely to die if that happens.
Understanding what kind of balances you need, and how that works for you can be really productive. Other people’s stories about what balance means might not be relevant to you at all. Grounding practices really only work if you know what makes you feel centred, and that might not be what works for everyone else. I’m better off singing or dancing if I need to reconnect with myself. Some people do better with water to centre themselves rather than thinking about ground. Some people are happiest and most comfortable with their heads in the clouds and that’s fine too.
Druid Life 
My most solid and secure grounding is in granite, sitting at my desk/altar with my hands resting on the two palm-sized pieces of it there, or lying in bed with my third piece of it in hand. The deep, quiet, age-old peace of rock grounds and balances me.
As for chaos, I’m glad it works for you 🙂 but it really doesn’t for me. I do what I can to achieve peace in all areas of my life. In fact very recently when we’ve had a change of living arrangements and a loved one who struggles with balance has moved out to live in her first own home as an adult, my peace has been almost overwhelming in its enormity. I’m sleeping long hours and dreaming vividly but not anxiously. I haven’t yet surfaced from below enough to recommence writing, but this peace is healing and I know that will come back when the time is right.
I’m so glad you’re getting what you need. Looking forward to you surfacing into writing again.
One thing that concerns me a bit is that you tend to base your happiness, or otherwise, on being in a relationship. So you’re sort of saying that your own happiness is outside of your locus of control and depends on others, specifically a man with whom you are romantically involved.
It’s not an uncommon way of thinking, but for me it is fraught with danger: you can never rely on yourself for happiness.
Reading between the lines, you’ve been suggesting that your marriage wasn’t quite the bed of roses that it was presented to be and that, looking from a fresh perspective, it was damaging and even abusive.
That may be so, and it’s not good if that is how it ended up. But you only seem to be able to judge that from the security of a new relationship, rather than from a more considered position of pausing a while first.
Just my observations, please feel free to refute.
Things that make me happy – walking, dancing, live music (as a performer and as audience) books (as a writer and as a reader) social time with people I like. Making things, experiencing culture, anything that engages my brain. There’s a lot going on in my life that I am deeply invested in. Yes, it’s an absolute blessing having someone to share that with who truly understands me and who connects with me on many different levels. I’m a lot more well now than I’ve been for years, and that’s improved my health which has greatly improved my scope to do the things I enjoy. Great sex also makes me happy. I invest heavily in all my relationships, it’s a big part of who I am.
Good sex eh? You old devil! You always were known as a bit of a goer round Stroud way 😜. Just please be careful.
I always enjoy hearing amusing gossip about myself and I love it when people think this kind of thing. Please carry on spreading it about!
I love the point about emotional centre of gravity – that really resonated for me.
Thanks for sharing!