I remind you of a car?
This machine goes from nought to five
Miles per hour only in emergencies
And never uphill.
Top speed of not much
Gets about five miles
To the pint of beer
Can do twenty miles in a day
But not if you want it to move afterwards.
May be long overdue for an MOT
Best not to dwell on the exhaust fumes.
Or the state of the upholstery.
Difficult to steer, but offroad handling superb.
Indicating things that have nothing
To do with direction of movement
May or may not have brain in gear
Has no idea what a clutch is
Much less how to use one as a metaphor
Handles wet surfaces
The built in satnav says
“I know exactly where we are”
And takes you to a wood
Full of creepy art instillations
And gets you lost, but not killed.
Has the freedom of the open road
In all weathers.
Does not require a paint job
Or rust removal
Or new tyres
But may need oiling now and then.
There are no brakes.
There are no safety belts
There is no cruise control.
But there is an ample boot
And finding a parking space is easy.
The title of course alludes to Professor Elemental’s You Remind Me of a Car – if you aren’t familiar with it, it goes a lot like this…