Up until a few years ago, I had a very regular monthly cycle. I’d get a couple of days of melancholy, six days of bleeding and acutely aware of anything that wasn’t ok in my life. Then a few days off, and the upswing into ovulation and then a quiet patch and then round again. It was part of me. What I didn’t know was how much that sense of self would change around the menopause.
So here we are, some years into cycle uncertainty and hormone tsunamis. My experience of my own body has changed dramatically. It’s a lot more unpredictable. I’ve no relationship with these hormone bursts so don’t experience them as part of my own identity. They just happen to me. While I get the experiences of bleeding, ovulating and whatnot, the unpredictable timing has changed how I feel about it. What used to feel intrinsically ‘me’ is now simply stuff that happens.
I was worried I would experience this as a loss, but that’s not happened. If anything, it’s opened up space for a more complex experience of myself and my emotions. I am interested to see who and how I am on the far side of this. I will not be less than I was, just different. I may be more ‘me,’ even.
December 27th, 2019 at 5:27 pm
I love being in menopause. I have embraced my crone years with both arms and it is very freeing.
December 30th, 2019 at 7:21 am
This is cheering, thank you!
December 28th, 2019 at 11:53 am
I wrote some of my best poetry between 45 and 55. It is a key time for really deep, and sometimes painful, self exploration. However much you may have understood before, things that were hidden become clear. Very interesting post and I like Diane’s comment, and agree how freeing it is to move on to a new stage in life, where years of experience and thought begin to develop into wisdom.