Wave, wind and wonder

Low tide, and the beach a sheen of shallow water catching the sun. Hard to tell what is sea, and what is shine. Oystercatchers along the margins, foraging. The haunting call of curlews against a backdrop of sea roar. No human sounds discernible above the pounding of waves and the rush of wind in ears. There is no time here, only space.

And for a while, I am just wind on skin and light on water. I am the moment when sun fills the wing feathers of an egret turning white feathers into numinous glory. I am the careful tread of boots on sand made sculpture by the retreating tide. I am the touch of cold that is sea on leather and the scent of salt in my nostrils. I am not myself. I am not anyone. I dissolve away into nothingness in this expanse of deliriously inhuman space.

I want to stay here forever.

I know that this marginal, tide turning land is not a place for me. I cannot live here. And still, I want to be light and water and wind and nothing more. I want to be lost, and ephemeral enough to be part of this place.

I am so tired of what humans do to each other.

I am so tired of trying to see the good and so tired of having to forgive what was never good enough and so tired of not being heard when I do dare to ask and so tired of having my heart broken.

A part of me is on the sand, between the water and the sky, between the sea and the shore, determined to stay lost. There are not many people I could stand here with, silent and scoured and salted. There are not many people I know how to be a person with, and far fewer I know how not to be a person with, and those, are certainly the best.

About Nimue Brown

Druid, author, dreamer, folk enthusiast, parent, wife to the most amazing artist -Tom Brown. Drinker of coffee, maker of puddings. Exploring life as a Pagan, seeking good and meaningful ways to be, struggling with mental health issues and worried about many things. View all posts by Nimue Brown

3 responses to “Wave, wind and wonder

  • emberbear

    A beautiful description of being by the sea. I have just spent a week by the sea in the north and I feel both relaxed and exhilarated. The sea is absolutely magical. Why can’t you live next to it, Nimue? What’s stopping you? It sounds like you want to be there. We have decided to move to the sea in four years and now it’s all about making that dream come true. It’s never simple, I know: jobs, houses, schools, friends, etc. But in the end, we have to be where we are happiest. I know Stroud and the Cotswolds very well from many years ago and I know their beauty and I live in the countryside now, which I love, but I know that when I live by the sea, as I did for many years, I feel so free. The never ending ebb and flow takes away the staleness that can come about from fixed routines, even if they are enjoyable, and the air is just amazing. I love being out in the wind on a beach and I guess you do too.

    • Nimue Brown

      I’ve given this a lot of thought – affordable, on the coast and feasible for getting to events is not easily done, but, I can be day-trip distance from the sea, affordable, and able to get to events….

  • lornasmithers

    Beautiful evocation 🙂 I love those liminal shifting areas.

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