I’m hearing rumours of a man who takes young women out into the woods having convinced them that sexual initiation is a good way to go. Of course it isn’t, because like any shortcut to magical insight, spiritual understanding and personal growth, it doesn’t work. Short cuts don’t work, and anyone offering them is mostly interested in something else – sex and money being high on the list.
That said, sex has huge potential to be magical and transformative, intensely spiritual and sacred. It’s important to talk about when to say ‘yes’ to such an experience not least because this also makes the ‘no’ situations easier to recognise.
The reason that people use sex for magic, is the energy involved, and the openness. That energy depends on lust. You’re looking for something hot, intense and with enough trust to allow you to be open so that the second source of magical energy – pleasure- is also available to you. Without desire, a sexual encounter can feel sordid and mechanistic, and that will not deliver you any kind of transformative experience that you want to have. It will instead rob you of joy and dignity. Passion can have all kinds of interesting effects, but anyone who claims their genitals have special magic powers should be treated sceptically.
In a one off sexual encounter with someone you barely know and do not desire, you are not going to achieve the trust, intensity and depth of connection necessary for anything that could be of value to you, to happen. There is no Pagan path that requires you to have lacklustre sex with a stranger to get started. Anyone who tells you otherwise is simply looking to get laid and no matter what mystic nonsense they claim, there is nothing of value in the mix for someone new to their path and seeking an awakening.
Sex magic and sexual initiation in the context of an established relationship can be powerful, magical acts. Love is a form of magic in its own right, with incredible power to open, inspire and transform, regardless of whether you end up shagging the object of your affections. If you want to say yes to sexual initiation, sex magic, physical intimacy for ritual purpose or anything of that shape with someone you know and love, that’s no one’s business but your own and the odds are good things will come of it. The only reason to say yes to sexual initiation from a stranger is because, having seen them in person, you fancy the pants off them such that rolling about in the woods seems very attractive indeed, with any other aspects of that experience coming a happy second.
No lust, no magic.