This is not really a blog post. I’ve messed up a lot of things recently, I do not know where I fit or what I am for. I’m not sure I have anything to say, and every opinion I offer or feeling I have risks hurting and offending someone else. Some of this is depression talking. Some of it is the feeling that my silence and my absence might now be the best things I have to give. I need time to think about this, to work out if I have anything to say that is worth saying. To those of you who have been kind and supportive, my thanks.
I have come to the conclusion that I’m a fairly awful human being, I lack for sufficient compassion and empathy, I am not generous of heart, I am not tolerant enough and I am not reliably kind. I get angry and upset about things and it always, always causes problems. As I no longer have the wit or will to keep trying to hide how rubbish I am, stepping back seems like the most sensible thing to do.