OBOD adventures, further

I announced some weeks ago now that I had decided to apply to see if I could be an OBOD tutor, and that I’d post along the way to talk about how that goes. So, I’m in process now. I’m not going into the details of the process, that doesn’t feel wholly appropriate nor do I think it’s likely to be of much interest. But there is a process, and I’m finding it a gentle and helpful one. This is not especially surprising as it goes with my experience of OBOD to date. Helpful, informative, gently testing to find out what I am and where I fit.

I like how supported this all feels. I like the strong sense I have that I’m entering a community in which I can both enable others and be supported in doing so. My wider experience of volunteering has had a very different sort of vibe to it – one of the most difficult things for volunteers is not having the back up to be sure of what you’re doing, that you’re on the right track and so forth. I’ve been places where volunteering was intimidating and felt exposed. I’ve plenty of experience of things I barely understood being dropped on me, and having to learn on the job to the detriment of those who got me during the teething period. I should add this isn’t exclusively a Paganism issue either. Often the problem is that volunteers are in such short supply that people don’t have time to properly train and support those coming in, there’s too much fire fighting going on already. It’s a long way short of ideal.

It’s lovely to find that with OBOD, I’m stepping out onto a path, already very clear about the existence of safety nets and knowing that I will not be expected to fly on my own until I’ve got the experience to realistically do so. And even then I’ll still be part of a wider, supportive community. I feel very, very positive about this. The time frames are not stressful looking. I don’t have to be up and running in a matter of weeks. I’ll be doing some practice work over the next month, and then some reading, and then we go from there. I’m looking forward to the challenges. I’m also looking forward to revisiting the study material from years ago, knowing that I’ll be working closely with that, for some time to come. Opportunities to go deeper, and to see thing through other people’s eyes abound.

My biggest fear around undertaking this, was that I simply wouldn’t be acceptable. It’s a deeply held, longstanding fear that pertains to pretty much everything in my life, nothing OBOD specific here. I worry about not being good enough, and testing that is always intimidating. I’m coming to learn that yes, there are places I do not fit, and yes, there are people who are not going to be ok with what I do and how I do it, but no, I am not innately an exile, I am not that which does not belong anywhere. It’s just a matter of finding the right places and people, and apparently I’m getting better at that.

About Nimue Brown

Druid, author, dreamer, folk enthusiast, parent, polyamourous animist, ant-fash, anti-capitalist, bisexual steampunk. Drinker of coffee, maker of puddings. Exploring life as a Pagan, seeking good and meaningful ways to be, struggling with mental health issues and worried about many things. View all posts by Nimue Brown

5 responses to “OBOD adventures, further

  • Helen Martin

    Good luck with this new journey. I think many people feel your fears about not being good enough, especially when starting a new chapter in your life. I started the Bardic Grade OBOD course this year and find it so nurturing and encouraging, to find my place and being in my own time, with lots of support and resources. I look forward to hearing more. Helen x

  • Sharon

    I just joined OBOD and just requested a tutor two days ago. It is comforting to know that whoever I get will be well trained, well supported, and well trusted. One of the reasons I joined OBOD is because I am so impressed with the writing on your blog. I’ve learned a lot from you. Your comfort level with the tutor process comforts me that every endeavor will be made to find a tutor who really fits me rather than just assigning someone at random.

  • Raven Seven

    I have a lovely tutor at OBOD and I am sure you will make a fabulous tutor too, Nimue. Your writing is just so grounded and deep. Good luck!

  • Andrew Smith

    All the best, Nimue. If your thoughtful posts are anything to go by, you’re more than qualified.
    I can relate to the fears and hopes you express above. I’m about to embark on a counselling course, also revisiting material I first met many years ago. A mixture of fear and trepidation with hope and expectation. Such journeys are always adventures, I guess, and until we embark on them we never really know where they’ll lead: probably back to where we began, but knowing the place for the first time, as Eliot wrote 🙂 Anyway, best of luck on your new/continuing journey. Enjoy the adventure.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: